So. What happens when words become a burden. What happens when all communications goes out the door and you are left there to think to yourself all of the things you wish to say and of all the things you wish the other person would say.
What happens when you’ve poured your heart out too many times to count and the same feelings keep coming up of anger and loneliness. But there’s nothing you can do to stop it, no use in hiding it. Just like an open sore you wish would heal. I just want to be heard. I didn’t realize when I got lost in love, I would also lose my voice.
I’m tired of everyone. I’m tired of worrying about what people think of me, when they could care less about me or my feelings. I’m tired of feeling left out and always doing the wrong thing when all I do is worry about doing the right things…
Most of all I’m tired of feeling like the ONE person I thought would care the most, can barely pretend to care. I’m tired of crying and feeling like I’m going in circles.
It’s 9:46 in the morning and I already feel like being alone. I don’t want to talk I just want to drive and get away.
Sometimes I wonder how I’ve gotten here, to this point.
Then I remember that this is what love does to you. It eats you up and swallows you whole. That’s how I feel at least and the first thing it eats is your mind.
I used to think love meant grand gestures and happiness. Now I realize it’s deeper than that. It’s compromises and more than enough times disappointment. It’s loving someone so much that it literally hurts. It’s this pit in your stomach sort of feeling that makes you wonder how that kind of feeling is even possible. It’s the reason that makes you wish “forever” was possible, because the time you have will never be enough. It’s when you hope to God, even when you’re not so sure God exists, but for assurance, you pray that he would take your life before the one you love because you know you’d be lost without that person. It’s doing everything in your power to protect that person, even if it’s just air bags in a car. It’s the way you miss them, even when they’re by your side, because you know one day they won’t. It’s when they can hurt you in the simplest ways that only you can understand because that’s what love is. It hurts like hell, in every way.
And I don’t understand how people survive this,
I really don’t.